Tomorrow

I go to the endocrinologist. I will know when they are pulling this shit out of my head. FUCKING. SCARY.

Godspeed Happy Hour Playlist 1/28/11

om - at giza
deep purple - child of time
us christmas - the scalphunters
led zeppelin - dazed and confused
queens of the stone age - regular john
judas priest - one for the road
humo del cairo - a tiempo
desert session - cowards way out
hum - stars
quicksand - head to wall
handsome - quiet liar
texas is the reason - back and to the left
the promise ring - e texas ave
modest mouse - truckers atlas
built to spill - carry the zero
interpol - pda
sonic youth - wish fulfillment
the pixies - holiday song
silversun pickups - well thought out twinkies
dinosaur jr - out there
mc5 - rama lama fa fa fa
the stooges - no fun
johnny thunders - cant put your arms around a memory
dead meadhow - babbling flower
leaf hound - work my body
parchman farm - too many people
the white stripes - icky thump
earthless - sonic prayer
pentagram - last daze here
wolfmother - joker and the thief
the sword - lawless lands
kylesa - spiral shadow
tombs - merrimack
black breath - unholy virgin
bison bc - slow hand of death
thin lizzy - jailbreak
doomriders - come alive
saviours - we roam
every time i die - inrihab
norma jean - pretendeavor
dillinger escape plan - milk lizard
torcher - healer
heavy heavy low low - giant mantis vs turt nip
black flag - my war
ted nugent - stranglehold
black sabbath - tomorrows dream
eyehategod - jackass in the will of god
his hero is gone - momument to thieves
bad brains - supertouch/shitfit
trash talk - manifest destination
judge - ive lost
children of god - while you sleep...
the mistake - adios motherfuckers
terror - nothing to me
iron age - disposessed
the suicide file - the somme
cursed - polygraph
the hope conspiracy - truth and purpose
god forbid - antihero
lamb of god - laid to rest
hatebreed - a call for blood
madball - nyc

And now for some real news

Due to a lapse and following lag in health insurance coverage, I have taken a forced "month off" of dealing with this tumor bullshit that keeps fucking up my life, a la Jets To Brazil. However, the insurance package has arrived, and I have an appointment with the endocrinologist on Tuesday morning at 10:30. While its been nice to check out of worrying about all this bullshit, its always been on the back of my mind, and now here it is, right back in my face.

So what does Tuesday mean? It means that "brain surgery" goes from being a funny joke at the bar to being very, very fucking real. The shit is looming for real, and knowing me, will probably land right around my birthday. What a way to ring in 31...by pulling a piece of flesh out of my nose and hopefully getting my body to behave like its supposed to. As I sit around here thinking about it, I don't even really remember what its like to feel healthy. To feel like how I used to feel. For example, after yesterday's 16 hour sleepapolooza, I woke up at 5am, did some chores, walked to get some breakfast, bought groceries, put them away, and feel totally wiped out. I am currently waiting for Sunshine to wake up to see if I can borrow her ride to get to my grandparents house and get my mail so I can pick up my insurance info because there is no way in hell I can make it there on a bike. Over the last few days, two flights, a tattoo, some shows, an interview, and a lot of writing wore me the fuck out. I can't remember the days where riding my bike all over town was no big deal, or playing a show with a band seemed feasible, and didn't lay me up for days afterwards.

So my vacation is over. Here's to the end. I'm glad its the end, but its still scaring the shit out of me.

MORE REAL WRITER SHIT!

http://sfist.com/2011/01/27/tomorrow_wallpaper_at_slims.php

http://sfist.com/2011/01/28/next_mondaytuesday_against_me_at_sl.php

Look at me I'm trying to be a real writer

http://sfist.com/2011/01/26/sfist_attends_fu_manchu_at_bottom_o.php

Wednesday with the Wizard Playlist 1/26/11 Mosh/Lurker Night

Metallica - Orion
Old Man Gloom - Gift
Earthless - Sonic Prayer
Rwake - Crooked Rivers
Saviours - We Roam
Baroness - A Horse Called Golgotha
Trash Talk - Explode
Left For Dead - Who'd You Know
Haymaker - Stressed Out
Trapped Under Ice - Believe
Damnation AD - No More Dreams Of Happy Endings
108 - Opposition/Deathbed
Tragedy - Deaf and Disbelieving
Hatebreed - Doomsayer
Slayer - South of Heaven
Mercyful Fate - Evil
3 Inches of Blood - Night Merauders
Unearth - Zombie Autopilot
At The Gates - Cold
Darkest Hour - Demon(s)
Killswitch Engage - A Bid Farewell
Megadeth - Holy Wars...The Punishment Due
Superjoint Ritual - Personal Insult
Cro Mags - We Gotta Know
LION CREW - LION Crew Intro
Terror - Out Of My Face
Black Breath - I Am Beyond
High On Fire - Devilution
Black Flag - Police Story
The Germs - What We Do Is Secret
Agnostic Front - Last Warning
Ted Nugent - Stranglehold
Leaf Hound - Sad Road To The Sea
Black Sabbath - Snowblind
White Zombie - Thunderkiss 65
Helmet - In The Meantime
Fu Manchu - Eatin Dust
Clutch - Profits of Doom
Graveyard - Evil Ways
Pantera - I'm Broken
A Life Once Lost - Vulture
Crowbar - Falling Down
Throwdown - You Can't Kill Integrity
Reign Supreme - Still Unbroken
God Forbid - Antihero
Lamb of God - Ruin
Ozzy Osbourne - Over The Mountain
Queens of the Stone Age - Little Sister
Blue Oyster Cult - Burnin For You
Deftones - Bored
Quicksand - Dine Alone
Bad Brains - Re:ignition
Black Sabbath - War Pigs
Pentagram - When The Screams Come

They Got Nothin' On You, Baby...

I feel like I've been neglecting this, and by doing so neglecting some self-expression and reflection, however, the upside to this is that I've been doing a lot to further my "professional" writing career, so it's not as if I've been dicking around watching SVU non-stop. I'm only watching SVU with Greg part of the time. However, since sleep and I continue to have a difficult relationship, and after having a particularly antsy turned cathartic turned heart-wrenching turned longing turned hopefully night into morning, I went for a walk for a breakfast burrito and some groceries. Upon getting home, I realized I had nothing to do (since Sunshine's car is having some sort of starter issue, which leaves me off the hook for picking her up at the airport and leaving me with a lack of In-N-Out burger in my life today), so I decided to go the Bukowski/Hemingway route, pour a shot of Fernet, crack a Bud, and let myself get some shit off my chest that isn't about how awesome Saviours is live or faking an interest in Kimya Dawson (I'll link those stories later).

For those of you who need a little more than cryptic, unclear paragraphs written during the witching hours, I am running full force at becoming a writer. I am really getting the music writer game going the most first because it seems to fall in my lap easiest seeing as how I've been overly involved in music for most of my life, but I am currently trying to navigate my way through a novel/memoir and being the editor of an online/blog magazine. Great ideas that are currently being underwritten by the great State of California and their disability insurance, because there sure as shit isn't any money in writing at the level I'm at. The amount of hustling it takes to get a name out in the realm of music writing is vast, which is why my baby, my soul, my pathetic attempt at self-expression, 99miles, has taken such a backseat. I figured its just not fair to my mother, grandmother, and the six other people who give a shit about what goes on here. So the music writing has caught me a touch of a break for the moment, so I'm going to explain this decision to you. i had intended on going to USF for Grad School for a Masters in Education and a special certificate in being a Reading Interventionist. While this isn't an idea I'm throwing to the way side, I really don't see myself leaving that idea in the dust, but I'm watching California destroy it's educational infrastructure and thinking that throwing $60,000 at a school in loans to head into an industry that is currently getting gutted and burned for reasons I can't comprehend, why not run at writing about punk, metal, hardcore, indie rock, emo, or whatever which I at least have been told I am somewhat of an expert on. Beyond that, I'm apparently good with the words, so fuck it. You never know until you try, right?

The old tumor is still in there, and due to the usual health industry red tape, we are nearing the end of a standstill in removal progress. There really isn't anything to report there, but it is taking quite the toll on a lot of relationships in my life. Some of them are strained, some of them are fractured, and I'm afraid a few are done for good. While I am not happy at all with this path life has lead me down, I am learning more and more each day how little I was doing for myself and for others while I was sick, and really for a lot of my life before then. I have talked about in previous posts how the upside to getting sidelined by life gives you time to think about your station in life and where you should go next, and I'm happy to find myself heading down the path I need to be going down. I plan on addressing some of the sudden changes in trust and emotion I have towards people in my life at some point, and really am working to avoid cutting people out in most cases, but I'm feeling the best for myself when I am doing the things I need to do for myself. I knew this was the proper path to take after a lengthy talk with my younger brother while walking from Upper Haight to the Mission last week. He recently peaced out on a rather lucrative job for a late 20s dude to have to go on tour playing folk music. He's struggling in some regards, but he's happy. To me, that makes more sense than not struggling as much but suffering more. You only get one life, so you need to do it right.

It's unfortunate that coming to this decision has lead to some collateral damage in my life, but it always hurts to rip off the band aid, and usually your first dive into the deep end of the pool is cold as fuck. At the end of the day, scars heal or you learn how to tread water.

In closing, I am just going to say that sometimes getting what you want means fighting hard. In my case, in simultaneously fighting a tumor, false impressions, misinformation, lack of trust, being a small fish in a big pond, and a very large (literally and figuratively) roadblock to getting to where I want to end up in life. A month ago, challenges this daunting would have had me looking at the full bottle of Tylenol PM in the medicine chest as my only way out. In January, from the comfort of my own homebase, surrounded by a team who's pushing me harder and harder to keep fighting the good fight, there isn't anything in front of me that is out of reach.

I'd like to thank the following individuals for really coming through for me as I've gotten my life back to being my own over the last few weeks: Sunshine, Greg, Danielle, Mingo, Bryan, Pike, Taler, Paisley, Tia, Kevin, Javier and the Van Huss/Koska Family, Captain Chase Corum, Collin O Brian, Ryan Fucking Dale, Jimmy Jazz, Koji, Carl, Jason at Eli's, the wonderful folks at Godspeed, Leanne and the SFist.com. Without you guys I don't know what the fuck I'd be up to.

Thanks.

Everyday I'm Hustling..

In twelve hours, i got myself into around ten shows to review, a legit media outlet for them to be read on, and the attention of a major magazine I hope to work for.

I WONT STOP TIL I WIN.

FUCK YOU TUMOR. FUCK YOU LIFE. FUCK ANYONE WHO DOUBTS ME OR GETS IN MY WAY.

Back to work.

Wednesday with the Wizard Playlist 1/12/11

Humo Del Cairo - Nimbo
Desert Sessions - Girl Boy Tom
Ted Nugent - Stranglehold
Litamus - Miles Away
Howl - You Jackals Beware
Revelation - Stars Almost Drown
Taint - Zealouts and Whores
Clutch - The Mob Goes Wild
The Warlocks - The Midnight Sun
Goblin Cock - We Have A Bleeder
The Sword - Warp Riders
Apostle of Solitude - Acknowledging The Demon
Crowbar - Coming Down
Electric Wizard - Venus In Furs
Graveyard - Evil Ways
Serpent Throne - Headed to an Unmarked Grave
Ghost - Elizabeth
Children of Bodom - Sixpounder
Pantera - I'm Broken
Integrity - Armenian Persecution
Reign Supreme - Still Unbroken
Unearth - Zombie Autopilot
Nirvana 2002 - Slumber
Haarp - All, Alone
Kylesa - Spiral Shadow
Fu Manchu - Godzilla
New Lows - Stagnant Stride
Sloth - Germanian
Lamb of God -11th Hour
Darkest Hour - Sound of Surrender
Nails - Unsilent Death
Bison BC - Slow Hands of Death
Kvelertak - Mjod
All Pigs Must Die - Sermon for the End
Torche - Amnesian
Judas Priest - One for the Road
Grand Magus - Brotherhood of Sleep
Witchcraft - Chylde of Fire
Black Sabbath - St Vitus Dance
Doomriders - Posession
Glassjaw - All Good Junkies Go To Heaven
Saviours - Cavern of Mind
Pentagram - Forever My Queen
Superjoint Ritual - Personal Insult
Ozzy Osbourne - Over The Mountain
High On Fire - Snakes For The Divine
The Fucking Wrath - Fangs of God
OFF! - Upsidedown
Animals As Leaders - CAFO
Slayer - Ghosts of War
Cro Mags - Street Justice
Trapped Under Ice - Half A Person
Vision of Disorder - Element
Martyr AD - American Hollow
Pulling Teeth - Ritual
Black Breath - Unholy Virgin
Iron Age - Disposessed
Mammoth Grinder - Iron Pigs
Trash Talk - Manifest Destination
Black Dahlia Murder - Funeral Thirst
The Red Chord - Antman
Terror - Overcome
Most Precious Blood - Less Than Zero
The Hope Conspiracy - Truth and Purpose
Throwdown - You Can't Kill Integrity
Rwake - Unleashing Cosmic Destruction

Life Moves Fast...

Here's an insider tip about me: if I don't put stuff in here, it's because I've been busy, and usually busy means good. In this case, Greg, Sunny, and I have been hard at work getting our house together, and I have been getting used to a couple of new DJ gigs I got, and I keep getting newer ones. Go fucking me, right? So far, those things have been going great. We have a few more things to set up around the new house, and the CASA DE AWESOME will be in perfect form.

I had an irritating lapse in health insurance, which I have since rectified, so I sort of have to start the pituitary tumor removal process. Currently waiting on new info to give to old doctors so we can bing, bang, boom that bitch right on out and life can resume. I often wonder what this blog is going to be like without bad health. Am I going to write about random West Oakland shit I see all day? A funny thing happened while DJing at Godspeed? Was my life that interesting before I got sick? I guess we'll find out together.

So I should have all the major dates of the procedures this week, and hopefully some info on just what this is going to take to end and how long until I get to just be the me you all know and love. I am making plans for the future. They seem fun.

Tomorrow I am buying myself a new amp, and I am getting my music game back up and rolling. Sunshine and I collaborating, as well as some new friends who are doing things that aren't noisy, loud, screaming, etc. I am also trying to get some guitar stuff from a musical idol, but that's under wraps until that's reality.

Do any of you readers have any leads on how you getting paid for running ads on a blog works? Any help would be appreciated. Now to get some music writing done.

"Beware, I bare more grudges...than lonely high court judges...."

Black Mass Playlist 1/9/2011

Acid King - Evil Satan
Sleep - Dragonaut
Electric Wizard - The Satanic Rites of Count Drugula
Black Sabbath - War Pigs
Neurosis - A Sun That Never Sets
Witch - Seer
Doomriders - Come Alive
Nachtmystium - Ghosts of Grace
Saviours - We Roam
Christian Mistress - Desert Rose
Baroness - A Horse Called Golgotha
Mayhem - Deathcrush
Pantera - 5 Minutes Alone
Darkest Hour - The Sadist Nation
Killswitch Engage - Rose of Sharyn
Eighteen Visions - The Psychotic Thought That Satan Gave Jesus
Animals As Leaders - CAFO
Dillinger Escape Plan - Milk Lizard
God Forbid - Antihero
Kvelertak - Mjod
Municipal Waste - Mind Eraser
Kylesa - Spiral Shadow
The Sword - Warp Riders
Dio - Rainbow In The Dark
Anthrax - Be All, End All
Today Is The Day - In The Eyes Of God
Megadeth - Holy Wars...The Punishment Due
Judas Priest - One For The Road
Leaf Hound - Work My Body
Queens of the Stone Age - Regular John
Mercyful Fate - Nuns Have No Fun
Van Halen - Aint Talkin Bout Love
Metallica - Four Horsemen
Black Breath - Unholy Virgin
Slayer - Dead Skin Mask
Mastodon - Blood and Thunder
Ozzy Osbourne - Mr Crawley
Def Leppard - Photograph
Clutch - Escape From The Prison Planet

I Don't Wanna Grow Up Playlist 1/8/11

Jawbreaker - Fireman
Lagwagon - Violins
Pretty Girls Make Graves - Sad Girls Por Vida
Underoath - Reinventing Your Exit
CIV - So Far, So Good, So What?
Alkaline Trio - Calling All Skeletons
The Murder City Devils - I Drink The Wine
Best Coast - Boyfriend
The Exploding Hearts - Throwaway Style
Generation X - Kiss Me Deadly
Morrissey - There Is A Place In Hell For Me and My Friends
Polar Bear Club - Living Saints
Living With Lions - A Bottle of Charades
Hot Water Music - Bitter End
Agent Orange - Bloodstains
Weezer - Say It Aint So
X - Nausea
Turbonegro - The Age of Pamplonus
The Bronx - They Will Kill Us All
Le Shok - Killed By Fuck
Descendents - Jean Is Dead
NOFX - The Bag
Set Your Goals - The Lost Boys
A Loss For Words - Half Step Down
Evergreen Terrace - New Friend Request
Bad Brains - Re:ignition
The Misfits - TV Casualty
Camera Obscura - French Navy
Milemaker - Frigid Forms Sell You Warmth
PIerce The Veil - Yeah Boy and Doll Face
Kid Dynamite - Pacifier
Good Riddance - Mother Superior
Bad Religion - Sanity
Pinhead Gunpowder - Reach for the Bottle
X-Ray Spex - Oh Bondage, Up Yours!
Gang of Four - Damaged Goods
The Lawrence Arms - Your Gravest Words
Pennywise - Homesick
Lifetime - Cut The Tension
Swing Kids - Disease
The Damned - Smash It Up
The Gaslight Anthem - '59 Sound
The Jam - Life From A Window
The Blood Brothers - We Ride Skeletal Lightning
Dead To Me - Cruel World
Against Me - Thrash Unreal
Circa Survive - The Glorious Nosebleed
Frank Turner - Long Live The Queen
It Dies Today - Enjoy The Slence
Poison The Well - Nerdy
Saves The Day - The Choke
Piebald - Grace Kelly With Wings
Coheed and Cambria - Time Consumer
Heavens - Watching You
Lemuria - In A World Of Ghosts...
Heartsounds - I Climbed For Miles
A Wilhelm Scream - The Pool
Jawbreaker - Do You Still Hate Me?
Texas Is The Reason - Back and to the Left
Gameface - Time After Time
The Promise Ring - The Deep South
Fugazi - Repeater
Samiam - Bad Day
Tiger Trap - My Broken Heart
Lucero - Tears Don't Matter Much
Title Fight - Memorial Field
The Get Up Kids - Off The Wagon
Say Anything - Alive With The Glory of Love
Motion City Soundtrack - My Favorite Accident
Screeching Weasel - My Brain Hurts
Built To Spill - Twin Falls Idaho
Shook Ones - All Grown Up
Rancid - Let's Go
Dropkick Murphys - Never Alone
The Jealous Sound - Anxious Arms
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Y Control
Some Girls - Now Only Memories Run Down These Tracks
The Faint - In Concert
Black Cat Music - Haunted Hotel Colorado
Death From Above 1979 - Blood on our Hands
The Van Pelt - His Steppe Is My Prarie
Seaweed - Crush Us All
Band of Horses - Is There A Ghost?
Deftones - Be Quiet And Drive
Quicksand - Head To Wall
Every Time I Die - Ebolorama
Inside Out - No Spiritual Surrender
Burn - ...And Shall Be Judged
Turning Point - Thursday
Outspoken - Shadow
Unbroken - Absentee Debate
SInce By Man - Light Fuse, Run Away
Jets To Brazil - Chinatown
Farside - Audience
Quicksand - Omission

Wednesday with the Wizard Playlist 1/5/10

Dark Castle - Flight Beyond
Kylesa - Spiral Shadow
US Christmas - The Scalphunters
Deep Purple - Child of Time
Ghost - Con Clavi Con Dio
Legend - The Destroyer
Saxon - Denim and Leather
Led Zeppelin - The Ocean
Humo Del Cairo - Fuego de San Antonio
Kyuss - Asteroid
The Sword - :Lawless Lands
Iron Age - Disposessed
Bison BC - Slow Hand of Death
Graveyard - Lost In Confusion
Karma To Burn - Nineteen
Turbonegro - Boys From Nowhere
Crucified Barbara - Sex Action
Ratt - Round and Round
Guns N Roses - My Michelle
Pantera - Walk
Slayer - Mandatory Suicide
Unearth - Zombie Autopilot
Darkest Hour - Demon(s)
Goblin Cock - We Got A Bleeder
Pentagram - Lazylady
Saviours - We Roam
Celtic Frost - Jeweled Throne
Eighteen Visions - Who Killed John Lennon?
Trapped Under Ice - Street Lights
Cro Mags - Don't Tread On Me
Terror - Overcome
Hatebreed - Doomsayer
Ink and Dagger - The Road To Hell
Hot Snakes - Salton Sea
Blue Oyster Cult - (Don't Fear The) Reaper
Clutch - 50,000 Unstoppable Watts
Torche - Healer
Queens of the Stone Age - You Would Know
Baroness - A Horse Called Golgotha
High On Fire - Frosthammer
A Life Once Lost - Rehashed
Mercyful Fate - Evil
Witchcraft - Wooden Cross
The Stooges - 1969
The White Stripes - My Doorbell
The Sword - Winter's Wolves
Metallica - Master of Puppets
Bad Brains - Re:ignition
Motorhead - Snaggletooth
Doomriders - Come Alive
Carcass - Embodiment

Hello 2011...It's so very nice to meet you

I started writing here because I needed an outlet. My health had fallen ill, I lost my band, and really wasn't in a place to play music in the fashion I play it. At first I tried to mask how I really felt by making light of puking and shitting, and as I got further into this situation, the depression which has always moved in and out of my life took center stage, and while I appreciate the manner in which it elevated my writing ability, it turned this place into an absolute drag to be around, and drove some people to call me a complainer or someone who was clambering for attention over a negative aspect of my life.

Throughout it all, I would always try and make an attempt to be positive. For as hard and as difficult going through this has been for me, its not as if my life has been devoid of good times and/or fun. I would try my hardest to bring some of that to light in this blog, but for whatever reason, conscious, subconscious, what have you, getting the negative out was more important. While I'll be the first to admit that I haven't always been the greatest at handling this chapter of my life. However, getting back on the writing horse has been a great choice I have made, and I will be grateful for going through all this for rekindling this aspect of who I am.

While we have made incredible progress in finding an answer and an end to all this bullshit, there are aspects of my personal life, which I will not get into via a public forum. Some of this, could be just as crippling emotionally as getting sick itself has been, I am not ignoring it, and I am going to cope and deal with that as best as I can. However, even in the face of that, MY LIFE IS TOTALLY RULING RIGHT NOW. I would to get you all caught up and talk about it, because I am proud to actually have something positive to share with you all.

For starters, I have moved out of my grandparent's apartment and into a new place with two of my best friends, Sunshine and Greg. Throughout the process of finding a new place to live for us, I wasn't involved because I was dealing with my own health, physically and mentally. Again, I love my grandparents so much. For housing me, feeding me, putting up with me, helping me financially, caring about me so much, catering to my every need, going above and beyond in so many ways, taking me back and forth to doctor and hospital appointments, trying to keep a sense of humor through it all, and, so many more things that there aren't enough words worthy enough to express how incredible they are as both grandparents and human beings in general. I will be forever indebted to them even more so than any grandson is to his grandparents. However, moving back out on my own was something that I needed to do, and even though I didn't know where I was going to stand as far as my ability to be able to care of myself, and were exactly my health, physically and emotionally, I needed to roll the dice and make this happen. Getting the autonomy of being an adult again has breathed new life into me. Having my own room that was put together by me, that had all of my stuff in it, and put together in the way I wanted to, had more of a positive impact on me in the last six months than anything else. Throughout the week, our house has started to come along. I purchased my first couch and a new computer desk ($20 for both, thank you so much Amanda Hines), and most of the boxes are getting unpacked and this place, more than any other place I have lived in since moving out of my parents' house at 18 years old, feels like my home.

We have art and posters of all of ours in our common areas. While technically, Sunshine, Greg, and I are friends and we could be called roommates, I feel like we are a family here. Our kitchen is clean. We don't haggle over stupid things like who's food is who's. We lend ourselves to each other for help, be it hanging a painting, a ride to the bank, or for support as all three of us struggle through the things we struggle with withn our own lives. On New Years Eve, we sat down and had a wonderful dinner before heading out for the night. Again, I LOVE MY GRANDPARENTS AND EVERYTHING THEY DID FOR ME IN MY TIME OF NEED. That being said, this is the greatest living experience I've had of my adult life. The other night before heading to Eli's to DJ, Greg put on Dag Nasty in the living room and we had the most epic "Values Here" singalong ever. I am the youngest member of this household (not including Fritter, Sunshine's loveable Pomertian puppy), so we keep it clean. We keep it comfortable. We plan on improving this house and making it the envy of everyone we know. There had been some debate on whether or not staying in Oakland was the right move for me. Upon arriving into my new house, I knew that my time in bay was not over yet.

In short, I am so happy to be in my own house that my overall health is much, much better. I got to call Tara, one of my best friends in the world, beaming with pride and hope instead of exhausted, sobbing, and scared for my life. This battle is far from over, but the calvary has arrived. It feels so good to feel so good.

You Know You On Top Cos Only Heaven Right Above It...

Right now, I am in the middle of a life event that not everyone gets to experience, and my friends who have experienced have never been able to answer how it felt for them to go through it.

It is so incredible and still in progress and deeply personal that I can't even begin to start addressing it in here in the appropriate manner, but choosing to bike to the DJ gig tonight, I had a few seconds of downtime, so I just had to put something up.

Fuck you 2010. Hello 2011.