It hasn't always been the easiest thing to be me, and lately its been really hard. If you read this nonsense, you're probably sick of hearing about how hard it is. However, I am having one of those moments of positive inspiration that lately I would call rare, but in my earlier years seemed to be much more frequent.
First in foremost, my best friend had his first son, and second child over all today. I can't even pretend to have any idea what that's really like, but I know a) that he and his girlfriend are so incredibly happy right now and that b) while I go through some pretty serious bouts with pain and discomfort, I'm pretty sure the worst of this isn't quite on par with pushing a football out of a vagina. I mean, I've seen some interesting things in film, and those girls looked like they were enjoying themselves, but I'm sure that's not what having a baby is like.
Hearing the news that the lil guy arrived put wind in my sails. While I can't wait to hang out with the little guy, and see how happy he makes his parents and sister, it obviously didn't make the nausea that kept me in bed until 3pm any easier. However, the news of his birth makes me feel hopeful. To be honest, and friends and family, please don't take this as a slight or that I take all that you do for me for granted, its the first time I've felt hopeful and positive about my own life in a long time. I don't really know how or why its effecting me like this. I am in no way trying to take the spotlight from someone else's life event and pin my horse shit situation to it, but when you're having a hard time, you try and find whatever light that comes your way in the dark. While he isn't my son, he will always be close to me, and that's about as bright as it gets no matter how dark your light may be.
I got the news while I was walking up Piedmont Ave. as part of my new regiment against sleeping like a vampire. Since I was struggling to keep from throwing up during most of the hours whilst the sun was up today, I opted to walk on what's probably the only street in Oakland where you are in zero danger of being fucked with by anyone after dark. I got frozen yogurt, which tasted great but wasn't the funnest thing to ingest in the 56 degree and somewhat damp evening air. I was happy to know that 400 miles to the south, one of my closest friends was beaming with joy and pride, and for whatever reason, it made me feel like even though I can't put my finger on exactly what, how, when, where, who, or why, that there is a reason to see what's on the other side of feeling like absolute shit every day of my life and enduring constant digestive upheaval.
Thanks Jav. For everything and no less than one thousand times over.
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